It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
