my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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