Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How does it feel to date your dad?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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