She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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