Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
