My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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