Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Barsexuality is the new black.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
try to milk me bitch
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