he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
