I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
