Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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