I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
