I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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