Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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