omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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