Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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