were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
