we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
