I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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