so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
