i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Randomize
