So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
