And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
