i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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