I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
bring money and cleavage
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
