It's Friday. Sex?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
