You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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