It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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