Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
