So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
