just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
