So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
this just has baby written all over it
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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