Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
