Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
worst night to have a conscience
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
