i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
