This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
