Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
