Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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