my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
