When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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