my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
