do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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