hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
