____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
