we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Pants are for mortals
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
