I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
