i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
sick fucks of a feather flock together
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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