I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
