last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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