Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
