my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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