i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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