everyone is single if you try hard enough
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
