I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
