I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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