somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
