How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
