They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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