he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm at about main and main street
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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