you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
