You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
